Insomnia is a jerk, Edition 3,075

Insomnia thinks your best ideas will fail and your worst ideas are things you should work on right this second.

Insomnia thinks you should totally sign up for that marathon but no way is he letting you wake up early enough to train.

Insomnia and WebMD. BFFs.

Also, Insomnia thinks you have cancer. Or fibromyalgia. Or west african southern italy’s crazy cow nile denial virus. Anyway, you totally have a disease because you’re so tired all the time. Insomnia does not think your fatigue is his fault.

Insomnia is the night time equivalent of watching paint dry. Insomnia is just as exciting as that sounds.

Insomnia wants you to buy a puppy and thinks you should google all the hypoallergenic breeds right now. Cuz you totally have time for a puppy.

Insomnia is SO STOKED when you are home alone. At night. In the darkness. Withtheghosts….

Insomnia is never going to forget that one time you got talked into watching “Paranormal Activity” and is never ever going to be ok with you leaving your leg outside the covers. Insomnia doesn’t care it it’s 100 degrees.

Insomnia just knows you can pay off all of your debt by taking online surveys about grooming products and how much you know about China. Those totally look legit to Insomnia.

Insomnia would like to remind you that you are not living up to your potential. Also, that no one likes you. Or your chocolate chip cookies.  :(

Insomnia is really good at math and can tell you exactly how much sleep you are not going to get now. And now. And an hour from now because yes, you will still be awake.

Insomnia is a TERRIBLE roommate who deserves to be really arm wrestled into getting his own dang apartment.

Insomnia…you are a jerk.  Now read me a bedtime story because this is all your fault.

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